27 April 2008

Mario Kart Wii !!!

Today is the day when the newest version of the greatest video game ever made is released. Welcome back, old friend. Here are some of my fondest memories, not necessarily in order of greatness, of playing Mario Kart with my roommates in college:

1. Almost getting into a fight over Choco Mountain with J. Douglas. I guess "Your Mom" jokes just aren't that funny to some people.

2. The semester our "friendly" upstairs neighbors stomped on the floor nearly every time we played. They were so rude!

3. The phenomenon called the "Tony Three Shell Salute" where the person in last place fires three consecutive red turtle shells at the third place player. This doesn't really help the last place player win, but it does hurt the third place player. Inspired by our Peruvian roommate, Tony Gonzalez. Unfortunately for him, it wasn't cleverly done out of spite but was a result of his inexperience and inferior driving.

4. The time when half my roommates and other guys from down the street stayed up all night playing. Luckily it was finals week. Was this the night?

5. We would always say that the last race before bed decided who was "King for the Night." This race had to be Bowser's Castle and sometimes we played more than one race if the first one didn't have an exciting finish. Regardless of whether it was nighttime, the last race of the Mario Kart session always had to be Bowser's Castle. Hence, there could be a "King for the Morning," "King for the Afternoon," "King for the Hour Before Dinner," etc. Also, on the first lap of Bowser's Castle, Nate usually would say, "Looks like it's shaping up to be another classic Bowser's Castle."

6. The Aussie Finish. We watched the 2004 Salt Lake Olympics DVD once and noticed that in one of the short track speed skating events, an Australian who was in last place and very far behind the pack ended up winning because everyone else got tangled up and fell down right before the finish line. He skated past the tangled skaters and got the gold, only because he was too far behind to be tripped up. So, whenever that happened in Mario Kart we called it the Aussie Finish. Sometimes this would be accompanied by a song and dance with such lines as, "I come from Australia, the land down under, I love Outback Steakhouse, I drink Fosters, I have a pet kangaroo...etc."

7. The time I was about to win an amazing Waluigi Stadium race and I stood up to celebrate as I came down the home stretch. As I did so, the Nintendo inexplicably spit out my controller and my car slowed to a halt as someone else passed me just before the finish line.

8. Once when we were bored we wrote a question to BYU's 100 Hour Board (a service that allows you to ask any question you want and receive the correct answer within 100 hours). So naturally we wrote this question:

And this was our follow-up:

9. Sometimes we would play for so long that when we went to bed we would still see go-karts driving through the Mushroom Kingdom in our mind's eye.

10. One night after eating all-you-can-eat ribs at Tony Roma's, Nate, Reed, J, and I agreed to play 100 races and see who had the most points at the end. I kept track of last place finishes on this napkin which is now in my journal. It looks like J took a distant fourth that night, like usual:

11. Once I went to Italy with a buddy for a month. On those long train rides across the Italian countryside sometimes we would talk about Mario Kart. Who wouldn't? He said he was really good but I had never played with him before. Of course the roommates let him play when we got back into town to see how good he really was. When we first started playing he he would laugh like Wario and say, "I'm-a Wario!" Then we destroyed him. And he stopped laughing.

12. Near the end of our last semester of college the new roommate who had never played Mario Kart before that semester, Tony Gonzalez, claimed he was better than me. I laughed and we played one Bowser's Castle to determine who was better (even though if he had won I was still better.) Obviously, I won. Then he claimed he was better than Nate so they, too, played one Bowser's Castle to determine who was better. Nate lost.

13. Anyone who won a race would claim it was due to superior driving. Everyone else claimed it was due to "favors." Here is the final score of the last race we ever played as roommates (we made Tony take the picture of us) :

I don't know what happened to that guy's shirt but it was an intense race. Ben won, due to a Star-Lightning combo on the last jump. He'll tell you it was a Star-Gold Mushroom combo, but we all know better. Favors!

14. This past February the old roommates (now almost 30 years old) flew from Seattle, Rochester, Washington DC, and Atlanta to Utah to get together for a weekend. We told our employers, friends, and families it was for a Super Bowl Party but we all knew it was really to play Mario Kart. Some say it was the greatest weekend of their lives. I won the last Bowser's Castle. King for the Year!!!


Yaj said...

Read a book. Learn something new. Change. Grow.

P.s. Foster's Beah is NOT made in Australia, despite claims otherwise... mate. It's called marketing. My wife used to only eat Haagen Daz ice cream because, she said, the Dutch made the best ice cream. I pointed out that H.D. was made in New Jersey by a couple of former dock workers, who still talk like dock workers. Marketing. Beah...

Yaj said...

And that will be my one comment.

Yaj said...


Shalee said...


Come sta LEI??? Lei??? Really? Wow! Looks like life is great for you and your cute wife (who my husband knows from BYUSA.) Congrats on the law degree! Glad to see you are still using photoshop for every imaginable holiday. Good to hear from you.


Ben said...

I think I am obligated to comment on this post.

I don't have much to add, but I do see Mario Kart as a great metaphor for life. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes you get hit by six red shells in row, get struck by lightning and fall in to a pit of molten hot lava.