08 August 2008

Ni Hao China!

The Olympics are here! And who doesn't like the Olympics? It's the one time every four years that your hobby can win you a gold necklace and score you some chicks. You know what I'm talking about, table tennis players. Too bad they got rid of the Tug-of-War back in '24. And I have a complaint for you, NBC: after all these years of your "comprehensive" Olympics coverage, I still don't know what the heck handball is. For some reason you focus on boring sports like basketball, gymnastics, and swimming. Like those are more important than handball. Also, Bob Costas is an idiot.

Unfortunately I didn't qualify for Team USA to represent my country in Beijing this year, but here are some photos of me in past Olympics:

Seoul 1988 Soccer Team. You might say to yourself, "Whatever Christian, you are so young in this picture (and skinny.) This must have been the Junior Olympics." Nope, I was just that good.

Athens 2004 Dock Jumping Team. This was still a demonstration sport in 2004 but this year it's legit. Look at that form. I would have won the gold. And isn't the Mediterranean beautiful?

Sydney 2000 Dodge Ball Team. Some say the movie was inspired by my performance. It's amazing what a gold medal will do for your career.

Torino 2006 Ski Team. You probably didn't even know I was on this team because of that media hog Bode Miller but here I am. This is right before I won the Downhill Slalom Super G. You can see Torino in the background. Italy is so beautiful.

Atlanta 1996 Track & Field Team. Usually when people see this picture they want to know how I stretched my body like that. I say, "The better question is how did I get those shorts on???"

So, Team USA athletes, good luck this year in Beijing. Just do your best and you'll look back at your time as an Olympiad with fond memories like I do.


Yaj said...

I played handball in college. It's fun. Not as fun as your OOOOLYMPIC experiences...

Yaj said...

I think the lack of commentary to this post is because every one is incredulous.

They simply didn't know the truth!

Bethanne said...

I think I saw you in the Atlanta Olympics now that you mention it...I guess I was thinking that C.M. was just a really common name?!

REEDF said...

You're getting much better with that Photoshop software. For a moment there I really believed that it was you in the pictures of Skiing, Football and Dodgeball and then I realized that you suck at all three and that there was no way that it could be you. ZING!!

All the best mate.