29 September 2008

National Biscuit Month!

Don't these look delicious?

Maybe you didn't know this but September is National Biscuit Month. I don't know about you but for me it's been just one big month-long celebration. Kind of like Mardi Gras, but only better. I've eaten biscuits nearly every day, visited biscuit festivals, watched biscuit parades, and danced all night at biscuit night clubs. So what better way to usher out National Biscuit Month than with three amazing acoustic songs about biscuits?

You can find these classic hits and others on my limited edition EP entitled Oh Pepper? It was released on Fetchers Records in 2004. Just go to any respectable record store and they'll know what you're talking about.

Poll results:

24 September 2008

National Punctuation Day!

Lets celebrate together!

Happy National Punctuation Day! There are many ways people punctuate incorrectly but today let's focus on the apostrophe. Why is the apostrophe so hard? For some reason people always want to throw an extra one in where it's not needed or leave it out of obvious situations. You're probably blaming your follies on Schoolhouse Rock! for never doing a song on it.

Sometimes I feel embarrassed for my friends so I call them out for using incorrect punctuation or grammar. Here is what they say: "I don't have time to proofread all my emails. Why are you such a fetcher?" I don't know but the real question is, why is it so hard to use an apostrophe?

Since I'm such a good friend, here are a few visual examples to get you on the right track to correct apostrophe usage:

See its easy.

23 September 2008

BYU Police Beat: Summer 2008 Edition

Welcome back to school, BYU students. In case you are wondering what happened on campus while you were gone for the summer, I've compiled another edition of classic BYU Police Beats for you. After you read these you'll realize how important it is that you have campus police officers on duty at all times. Let's get to it:

Aug. 4: Witnesses reported seeing a deer with a wire wrapped around its neck near the stairs by the Botany Pond. When officers arrived the deer was nowhere to be found.

Aug. 4: Three dogs were reported to be locked in a car. When an officer arrived the car was found to be in shade, thus not endangering the dogs.

Aug. 2: Police were called when a male student was reportedly having an inappropriate conversation with two female students at the BYU Bookstore. When police arrived, the three students were questioned and it was determined no laws had been violated.

July 22: A truck with a female and four males was seen throwing eggs at cars on campus. The egging victims were contacted and none chose to press charges, so the egg-throwers were released with a warning.

July 21: At 1 a.m., juveniles were reported to be jumping up and down on the gate arm at the south gate near lot 2. When police arrived it was clear the juveniles were simply doing the limbo using the gate arm and that no damage had been done to the arm.

July 17: A male student was cited for being disruptive in the library. The man was snarling and threatening library staff, claiming that he had received unsatisfactory service. The man has a history of this type of behavior.

July 15: Witnesses reported seeing two females and a male stealing laundry from the facilities at Wymount. The three were carrying laundry in a large black trash bag. It turned out the three were doing laundry for several family members who were visiting from out of town.

July 11: A 50-year-old male was arrested, cited and released for stealing $26 of products from the BYU Bookstore, including a triple combination, the Book of Jasher and a raspberry chocolate candy bar. The man has previous history of retail theft at BYU.

June 30: Police followed up on a report of people being loud at 11:30 p.m. at Wymount Terrace. The loud people were asked to be quiet.

June 3: An officer and a grounds employee rescued 11 ducklings from falling into a storm drain on the south side of the NCAA track.

June 2: A blind deer was found by a resident at the Wymount Terrace. Provo Animal Control was called and they came and took care of the animal. They knew it was blind because it was running into things.

June 1: Five students, males and females, were reported for riding their bikes inside of JFSB. They were warned and released.

May 31: A student called and reported suspicious behavior at 11 p.m.. A car had been running around the law school parking lot for 30 minutes, police said. When the officer arrived the male explained he was teaching his girlfriend how to drive.

May 27: Someone called in about a suspicious male in the WSC. The suspect had long, blonde hair and a goatee. It turned out he had lost his camera and came in to see if it was brought to the Lost & Found, police said.

May 16: Someone called to report that the ducks and turtles were being stolen from the pond on the south end of campus. Police found that children were playing by the pond with the animals.

May 14: At library closing time, a female student refused to leave the library. On May 11 she also refused to leave. The woman was given a citation and escorted out.

May 13: The owner of a bike which had been impounded for parking illegally came to claim it, only to find that it had been stolen from the impound lot.

19 September 2008

National Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Arrrr! Ye'll click here if ye know what's best for ye, land lubbers!

16 September 2008

Dear Editor

During my time at BYU I wrote a few letters to the school newspaper, the Daily Universe. (No blog back then.) A lot of students used the Letters to the Editor page to write about "serious" topics and complain about the latest BYU "controversy." For example: the NCMO website or girls wearing one-strap backpacks. But I mostly tried to write letters just to see what I could get printed.

Some letters were stupid like this one:

And this one:

Sometimes I exposed too much power in the wrong hands:

And I silenced whiners with logic, reason, and math:

Other letters were thought-provoking:

But this was probably my favorite because I riled someone up:

And here's the response:

I like the part where she tells me to "stay in bed and keep dreaming of taking on the world." Maybe I will, Cami Cheney of Livermore, California. The other best part about this story is that when I talked about being "picked up on" more often when I was wearing my pajamas, I was mainly talking about this one girl who would always sit at my study table in the Wilk on those days and chat me up. The day the letter was printed, she sat by me and said, "Nice letter." I don't think she ever realized she was the one picking up on me, but she was.

11 September 2008

30 is the New 20

Today is the big 3-0. Wow, what a milestone. I'd like to think I've worked hard to get here. But looking back on my life so far, I sadly noticed that I haven't accomplished all that much. For example, by the age of 30:

A-Rod hit 430 home runs,
Flavor Flav begat 6 kids,
Bill Gates made his first $234 million,
Conan O'Brien had his first late night talk show,
Paris Hiltion served 21 days in jail,
and Weird Al Yankovic released 7 albums.

See what I mean? I have 0 home runs, 0 kids, $0, 0 talk shows, 0 days in jail, and 0 albums (my EP doesn't count.) I was starting to feel pretty down on myself. Then I realized that maybe I shouldn't feel so bad--Barack Obama graduated from law school when he was 30 so I'm still on pace to run for President of the United States by the time I'm his age. It's well documented that I already have a hot-button platform on which to base my campaign. Now all I need is a catchy slogan that doesn't really mean anything. How's this: "The Audacity of Mayonnaise." That's gold! I'll see you in 2024.

And if you ever wondered what the Time Magazine cover looked like on your birthday, check out this website. Here's mine:

And as always, birthday presents can be deposited in my Paypal account.

05 September 2008

Book Review: Breaking Dawn

Well, sorry this review is late. I know the latest Twilight book has been out a while but I had to speed through the first three before I could read this last one. Man, what a ride! These books are amazing! Stephenie Meyer's writing style is so sophisticated and refined, it is obvious she went to college at BYU. I never took any writing classes there, but wow, you can tell she did.

Enough about the author, let's talk about the book! I will admit that I was skeptical about the Twilight books ever since I heard the buzz around town. But, then I read the back cover of Twilight:

Wow! I was immediately drawn in, almost like Bella's neck to Edward's fangs. My heart was racing, and I had to know more! So I took off a day from work to catch up and finish the series. I'm so glad I did. I finally understand why people love these books so much! They're great. I mean, I was screaming out loud when I found out Jacob was a werewolf! It's so scary when he howls at the moon. And then when Bella had the half-werewolf/half-vampire baby! Who is the father?!?! I just can't wait for the next one to come out.

For all you guys out there, just know that you can read these books and still have a sense of dignity. I do. And I can guarantee that there will be just as many guys as girls in the movie theater when Twilight comes out on the big screen. Advance tickets, here I come. I love you Fandango!

I think the best part about these books is that they give young girls everywhere hope that they can find love, even in the most unlikely of circumstances. Sometimes you might end up with a vampire husband who wants to suck your blood, but that's okay, true love is waiting out there somewhere. You just have to look hard enough, move to the right small town on the Olympic Peninsula, and be willing to settle for half-vampire/half-werewolf babies.

About one thing I am absolutely positive. There is a part of me--and I'm pretty sure I know how dominant this part may be--that wants to say to all you Twilight fans out there: "Really?" (Picture the Arrested Development "Her?" voice.)

01 September 2008

Labor Day!

Click here for further reading on the amazing Labor Day holiday.