11 September 2008

30 is the New 20

Today is the big 3-0. Wow, what a milestone. I'd like to think I've worked hard to get here. But looking back on my life so far, I sadly noticed that I haven't accomplished all that much. For example, by the age of 30:

A-Rod hit 430 home runs,
Flavor Flav begat 6 kids,
Bill Gates made his first $234 million,
Conan O'Brien had his first late night talk show,
Paris Hiltion served 21 days in jail,
and Weird Al Yankovic released 7 albums.

See what I mean? I have 0 home runs, 0 kids, $0, 0 talk shows, 0 days in jail, and 0 albums (my EP doesn't count.) I was starting to feel pretty down on myself. Then I realized that maybe I shouldn't feel so bad--Barack Obama graduated from law school when he was 30 so I'm still on pace to run for President of the United States by the time I'm his age. It's well documented that I already have a hot-button platform on which to base my campaign. Now all I need is a catchy slogan that doesn't really mean anything. How's this: "The Audacity of Mayonnaise." That's gold! I'll see you in 2024.

And if you ever wondered what the Time Magazine cover looked like on your birthday, check out this website. Here's mine:


And as always, birthday presents can be deposited in my Paypal account.

37 comments:

two forks said...

i was duped! you don't have dollars, albums or a talk show?! good grief. well at least we are the same age now... finally!

Jihan said...

Sweet Mother of Birthdays, Christian!
Happy Day!

david & michal coombs said...

do you remember that time mom made baked chicken with bread crumbs and put mayo on it "to keep the chicken moist"? you ate it and said it was the best chicken you'd ever had! she waited until after the meal, and after you'd eaten every last piece, to tell you what she'd made the meal with. HA HA HA!

shortino said...

Silly... 30 is the new 21. I'll be hitting it this year too. Weird. You can boast that you made the cover of Time as a newborn, right? Take that Bill Gates. Here's to hoping it's a happy one...

Jerkolas said...

Happy Birthday. Sorry this isn't longer, but I don't want it to be too excessive or anything.

Katharine said...

Happy Birthday Christian!!! 30 is great...although I have yet to experience it but I thats what I hear at least. he he he...you guys need to come and visit us in UT soon. Addy misses you!

Lisa Garcia said...

Happy Birthday, Christian! You've got my vote in 2024!

DarkChocolateDaily said...

Welcome to Club Thirty. Thirty, flirty, and thriving.

Miss you guys times ten!

Sara G said...

Happy day to you! I love being 30! I turned in March and it has been my best & happiest year ever! Mostly because of the twins! (I'm ignoring the extra pounds and wrinkles and sagginess they left behind on my body.) It's all about how old you act and I could be wrong (I really don't know you too well), but for some reason I think you may still at times act like a teenager! Am I right???

'L' said...

Happy Birthday C-Biscuit -

p.s. - I'm really glad YOUR MOM had you.

wendy said...

many happy returns, christian. you seem to be pretty normal...maybe i'll stop writing, "DEATH BEFORE 30" all over my trapper-keeper.

Becky said...

I remember babysitting for families where the parents seemed sooo old. I recently figured out how old these parents were. Umm about 30. In case your feeling down, I have always tried to focus on the positive: "I may be old but (insert sibling, friend or wife's cousin's name here) is so much older!!!"
Have a happy day!

CaliZona said...

(sung to the tune of '3 Blind Mice')

It's Christian's day y'know.
He hit the big 3 - 0!
Too bad his poor life is a to-tal waste
If not for just one little sav-ing grace ~
He married Robin.
Robin, Robin, Robin,
Happy Birthday Nice Mr. Husband Sir of ROBIN.

You're the cutest son-in-law I ever had! Your button is a winner only because your mug is on it. Mayonnaise could be your stepping-stone to a glorious future . . . majority rules.

love & kisses,
yo' otha mama

jenn said...

Happy 30th!! Welcome to the club. But I must say, never EVER compare your life to Flavor Flav's. After Public Enemy, it was all downhill.

trout said...

Happy 30th Christian. To go along with Calizona's comment, 'marrying Robin should count for multiple milestones!!'

Enjoy your day. I liked your post.

Ben said...

Happy Birthday. Don't say that you haven't accomplished anything in life. You once almost beat me on Bowser's Castle.

Keep on fetchin' fetcher!

bobby said...

Happy Birthday Christian!

May you take down that nasty mayonnaise cabal by 40.

Robert

Becca said...

Happy Birthday Christian! "30 is the new 20." Just keep saying that in front of the mirror.

Cindy said...

Happy 30th, Christian!! You're catching up to me! Soon you'll be older, so you better slow down! Have a fun day old man!

Jorgs said...

30 is a dignified age - or so I hear! Seriously ... Happy Birthday!!!

Krista

the guitarist from hell said...

I sent you a delicious bass--book rate. I hope you enjoy it.

Shauna said...

Impressive - 20 and a lawyer, does this mean I'm 15 w/ a kid and pregnant? Happy Birthday!

My Buddy said...

Happy Birthday!
- Armadillo

Ray Zeleny said...

Happy B.
welcome to the club...by the way your body will begin to fall apart and your brain will begin to decompose...other than that yeah 30! I've loved it!

cat said...

happy b-day. maybe you could celebrate with a twilight party or something.
oh, and to celebrate your big accomplishments, i deposited $0 in your paypal account. :)

Laura Kimball said...

happy day!
have a great one...30's been grand!

Laura said...

enjoy your special day!

Johny said...

I think that not accomplishing stuff by the time you're 30 is the new accomplishing stuff by the time you're 30.

At least your net worth isn't going in the negative direction like mine!

Happy B-Day!

Nathan said...

To the greatest Fetcher that ever fetched!

I remember when you punched me. I remember when you yelled at me. I remember when you hid my dishes. I remember when you lost to me in M2K. I remember when you let me drink all you Fanta. I remember when you humped the wall. I remember when you set up Tony to take the fall for gayservicemen.com. I remember when you did all of this before the age of 30. May the next 30 be even better.

TRI-UPS said...

Your post has me convinced, you've amounted to nothing so far. Good luck with the next 30.

Yaj said...

So, after three different other communications today, Hippo Birdie! By the way, that was the longest chat in my history...

Enjoy a great dinner! Maybe some chicken with mayo on it...?

Megan said...

Happy Birthday Christian! (Don't take Miracle Whip out, okay?)

Denise and Laura said...

Happy Happy Birthday!! I really think you could make a fortune teaching others how to make their blogs entertaining!

Denise and Laura said...

P.S. I am not sure why it is adding my buddy Denise onto my posting, but I don't want there to be any wrong ideas...same with my Facebook picture, which happens to be a pic of me and your loverly wife...

Michael said...

Don't forget to add that you ALMOST got a hole in one. Plus, you still have plenty of time to get your six kids before I turn 30! Happy birthday fetcher!

The Edwards Clan said...

Wow...lots of comments on this one! I'll add my good wishes as well. And, I'll welcome you to the club. I hit the big 3-0 in May. I do have three kids, but other than that I haven't accomplished a whole lot more either. But, I am in the PTC at my kid's school. So, maybe city council will be next, followed by mayor, governor, and then your VP running mate in '24. :o)

luke g said...

MEchanico,

senti un po! non e' vero che hai fatto un tubo, anzi, io mi ricordo bene quanto hai verament fatto:
1-quanto bello il tuo canto di "wonderwall" in missione
2-i tuoi capelli, pieni
3-il tua ucellina, robin
4-tuo amico, 'colorguy'
5-quanto spesso fai il furbo, e riesci!
6-quando hai fatto si che l'Italia ha vinto la coppa mondiale
7-il tuo italian perfetto
8-eppure l'accento
9-occhi azzurrissimi!
10-tutte le cuore spezzate d G.A.N.S in Italia--"ooo, anziano markanich"
11-fai un diario da mito!
12-mastichi bene la gomma
13-vieni spesso a fare visita a gambelunghe
17-popcorn song--quanto mi piace ancora
23-spesso dai dei baci dolci a robin--io lo so
28-come riesci a portare la sciarpa senza essere 'gay'
29-o, forse no?!?
30-quando vai sul sito "lukeandmeghanngambee.blogspot.com