28 October 2008

Spamalot



Do you ever read the subject lines of your spams? You know, like the ones that promise to herbally enhance certain body parts for $19.99 (plus shipping.) Usually I just delete them without even looking, but I recently realized that sometimes there is some really good stuff in my spam folder:
  • No class, no exam, buy yourself world recognized university/degree/diploma/bacheloor (sic)/masters. (How will they spell "Bachelor" on your diploma?)

  • $14,000,000 US dollar business proposal if you are interested reply me? (Very interested.)

  • Caves are the new cool place to live. (What was the old cool place to live?)

  • Stop being frustrated in bed. (I assume they are talking about when you can't fall asleep at night, that's the worst)

  • Do not lose your love because of bad potence! (Bad potence is the worst!)

  • Hello, I found your name on the dating site. (Which one?)

  • It's Breanne. Do not ignore me please. I found your email somewhere and now decided to write you. (Anything for you, Breanne.)

  • Are you snoring yourself to death? (If they said sleepwalking I'd be interested.)

  • Start believing in wonders, be young and attractive again. (Do-n't stop belie-vin'!)

  • 1000 singles ladies from Russia are online now, have interest? (Much interest.)

  • Make your fat friends envy you. (They already do, those fatties.)

  • Triple strength fat eraser. (Perfect for my fat, envious friends.)

  • Top women problems and ways to solve them. (Can we solve this: why don't they like watching sports for hours at a time?)

  • Britney shoots down American spy satellite with her v_____. (I bet the CIA didn't see that one coming.)

  • Britney sues v_____ for divorce. (Can you do that?)

  • Pope Benedict to exorcise George Bush and Britney Spears on US visit. (At Yankee Stadium?)

  • Britney is to be sold on eBay. (Maybe I'll bid for spite.)

  • World's Muslims reject Britney's conversion to Islam.

  • McCain chooses Paris Hilton to be running mate. (Vital to courting the hoochie mama vote.)

  • Paris Hilton gives confusing news conference.

  • Paris Hilton becomes Mormon--marries Paparazzi. (???)

  • Lottery winners outraged at Paris Hilton's preferential treatment. (I totally understand.)

  • Paris Hilton to invade Rwanda. (She ran out of guys in America?)

  • Paris Hilton files for patent on "That's hot." (Thanks to $80,000 of law school tuition I know it would actually be a copyright.)

  • Paris Hilton: I will give my body to the winner of the French Open. (But how will she feel about Nadal's capri pants?)

4 comments:

Jerkolas said...

Maybe I should relax my spam filter. Looks like I am missing out on some comedic dynamite!

two forks said...

my spam is promising to improve and lengthen. i think i'll contact them. i have always wanted longer hair!

Yaj said...

And I have never gotten a single one of those! You really rate!

I think it's baTchelor, right? Or maybe with two T's?

Bethanne said...

I knew you had to have something up for Halloween. Thanks for your continuous hilarious posts! :)