11 November 2008

Alvin and the Chipmunks

I have some questions about Alvin and the Chipmunks. And I don't mean that computer animated crap in the movie theaters last year. I mean the cartoon series that was on TV after school when I was a kid. Let's get to it:
  • Why were Alvin and his brothers so much bigger than wild chipmunks? And how could they talk like the human kids if they were chipmunks?

  • Were their voices going to always be squeaky? Or would they hit chipmunk puberty one day?

  • Can chipmunks be domesticated in real life? Would they let you dress them up in cute little extra long t-shirts?

  • Why did Alvin, Simon, and Theodore wear long t-shirts, and that's it? Did they wear the same long t-shirts day after day, or did they have a bunch of the exact same shirt? Why were Alvin's initials on his shirt? Did they realize the other kids at school dressed differently? If they were chipmunks, why did they wear any clothes at all?

  • How come Alvin always went after human girls? Didn't he know it would be impossible for different species to marry and procreate?

  • How did Dave have such a big house if he was a struggling musician? And why did the Chipmunks have to share a bedroom if the house was so big?

  • How did they learn to play musical instruments at such a young age? Are chipmunks normally musically adept?

  • Why was Alvin always scheming to make money if he was in such a famous and successful band? And why didn't Dave exploit the Chipmunks like most other child stars these days?

  • Did the Chipmunks know that Dave was a human and that they were chipmunks? Or did they think they were humans, like dogs do when they're with their masters?

  • How big were their chipmunk parents? What happened to their chipmunk parents? Was their mom forced to give them up for adoption because of an abusive relationship? If so, why did she choose a human adoption program over a chipmunk one? And how did she know Alvin, Simon, and Theodore would grow to be bigger than normal chipmunks and fit in with human society?

  • If you're not supposed to feed human food to wild animals like deer, why was it okay for the Chipmunks to eat pancakes and such?
Please, if you know the answer to any of the above questions, feel free to leave a comment. We may never know the answers to all of these questions, but until then, Dooh-dooh-do-do-do-do-dooh!


two forks said...

a chipmunk adoption program!?!?

well i don't have any answers for you but i can say i am very grateful for the chipmunks' christmas song!!

'L' said...

Dear C-Biscuit,

I always wondered why It felt like "something was horribly wrong" every time I watched the chipmunks.

Your critical analysis through the mastery of logic and reason and other highly sophisticated thinking tools has really opened my eyes to the deception behind this deceivingly deceptive program... It all makes sense to me now!

Could you please write your next entertainment analysis on Sponge Bob Square Pants? I get a strange feeling “something is horribly wrong” when I watch that show as well..

Yours truly,

Concerned for Cartoons

Yaj said...

C'mon, everyone knows the answer(s) to this!

The cartoon chipmunks are older, midget triplets in cartoon chipmunk costumes, hitting helium before every scene. The helium does not last long, which is why, if you notice, all the scenes are so short. The munks were sustained by the Ford Foundation (some think born to the Ford family but those records are mysteriously under wraps...). They had plenty of money, obviously, but Alvin needed to scheme to make it seem like they did not.

I believe that satisfies all the questions above.

Denise and Laura said...

folks in thailand have squirrels as pets - they have leashes for them and everything. so perhaps alvin and the crew come from southeast asia...

shortino said...

If I remember correctly, wasn't Brittany pretty hot? That was her name, right?

Michael said...

I used to think they were little dogs. Then I learned how to read and I thought they were of the "chipmunk" breed of dogs....now i'm just back to thinking they are dogs again.