04 November 2008

Election Day!

Is it just me or is it hard to get excited about Election Day when you live in a non-swing state? My solution: spite votes. Let me explain. Basically, spite votes are anti-votes. Instead of voting for the candidate of your choice, you would vote against the candidate of your choice. You would essentially be eliminating the vote of another person. And to make it even better, you could specify which person's vote you want to eliminate and then they would get an email or text message saying,

"Dear Voter,

Thank you for voting in this year's election. We appreciate your participation in the voting process. Unfortunately, ______'s spite vote has eliminated your vote. Your vote no longer exists. This was performed out of spite.

The Election Committee"

Sounds pretty amazing to me. And I don't know about you but despite the 46 email forwards I've received telling me to not vote for B to the O, I'm not very impressed with either candidate. (My other favorite unsolicited online experience: when people put lame music like Jack Johnson on their blog that starts blasting the minute I enter their site.) Is this really the best you can offer us, America? So, this year I'm looking outside the two-party system to a couple of running mates I know I can trust. Here I am after fulfilling my patriotic duty today:

(RIP amazing Mario-stache)

And in case you're wondering why I'm voting for Mario and Luigi, here are ten great reasons:

1. Plumbers are used to cleaning up messes.

2. They're Italian so you know they have international experience.

3. They don't take crap from people who are bigger than them.

4. Even when things don't go according to plan, they don't give up.

5. They're very generous with their money--every time they get $100 they just give it right back and start over.

6. They can hold their breath for a really long time.

7. They can fly.

8. They can throw fire!

9. The older they get, the better they look.

10. If something were to mysteriously happen to Mario, Luigi could seamlessly step right in for him.

Find me another set of running mates who can do all of this! This might just be the change everyone is looking for. Mario and Luigi forever!


two forks said...

reasons 1 - 10 are enough to get my vote! i think those fireball palms would come in very handy.

and i agree, vote no on the lame-o website/blog music blasts.

Jerkolas said...

Finally someone is talking some sense. Get rid of the auto-play-music-I-no-likey thing on all the blogs.

Also, I have no doubt that fictional video game characters could run this country about as well as anyone else.

Sara G said...

I looked for Mario/Luigi on the ballot, but didn't see them, dang it! I voted for Baldwin/Castle instead. My conscience wouldn't let me vote for either of the other two...but I had to fulfill my civic duty and get a cool sticker. the end.
P.S. I going to post a link to this blogpost on my blog, hope that is ok.

Yaj said...

Mario takes over for Luigi; Luigi takes over for Mario.

Sounds like redistribution...

Matt said...

Ottimo Post. Mi piace la tua idea.

TRI-UPS said...

There are are only two requirements to run for the office of President and neither Mario nor Luigi meet either one. The first is that the candidate must be 35 years old. The second is that the candidate must be a natural born U.S. citizen. EVERYONE knows super mario brothers was first released September 13, 1985 (23 years old) in Japan. And only released in the U.S. a month later on October 18, 1985. Super Mario brothers was conceived, designed, and released in Japan.

C-Biscuit said...

Dear Tri-UPS,

All would agree that the Super Mario Brothers game was released in 1985. However, this date is obviously not Mario and Luigi's birthday. Mario first appeared in the video game Donkey Kong, in 1981, at which time he was a grown adult, working in plumbing. We have no idea how long before this he was born. Therefore, the release date of Super Mario Brothers is obviously not evidence that proves that the Mario brothers are not 35 years old.

To your next point, Mario and Luigi appear to be of Italian descent, yes, but there is no evidence that suggests they were born in Italy. Have you even heard them speak Italian? As far as we know, they have resided in the Mushroom Kingdom for quite some time. Their home before that is apparently unknown.

Mario or Luigi will unfortunately never be President for many reasons, but not for the ones you discuss. Remember, assumptions and guessing never hold up in court.

C-Biscuit, Esq.

Yaj said...

Logical minutia that could only be put forth, or made to seem important, by a lawyer.

It's like the story of the two guys in a hot-air balloon, landing in an unknown location. They asked a passerby where they were. He answered, "In a balloon." They took off and as they did the one says to the other that the passerby must have been a lawyer. "How do you know that?" was the response.

"Because his information was perfectly accurate and totally useless."

But it would stand up in court!!