08 December 2008

Dear Congress,

I've heard you are thinking about bailing out the Big Three automakers with $25 $34 billion in aid. Here are eight reasons why you shouldn't:

1. Pontiac Aztek: The ugliest car in the history of cars. Whenever I see someone who owns this car, I stop them and ask why they decided to purchase it. The most common answer: the dealer paid me to take it off the lot.

2. Dodge Magnum: If I wanted a station wagon I would have bought one in the '80s.

3. Chevy Lumina: I remember hating this car when it came out in the '90s. Come to think of it, I still do.

4. Chevy HHR: Looks like a cheap knockoff of the PT Cruiser. But why would you want to copy a car like that?

5. Chrysler PT Cruiser: See what I mean?

6. Chevy Avalanche: Buy a car or buy a truck, but not this ugly piece of junk.

6. Ford Flex: Looks like a larger version of the Scion Xb. And that's not a good thing.

8. Subaru Baja: This is a Subaru but what if the Big Three try to copy it?

Is it any surprise that Ford, Chevy, and Chrysler are going under? Even Xzibit couldn't pimp these rides so I don't know why you think your billions of dollars would help. If you really want to use that bailout money and do some good in these tough economic times, how about 140 large to pay off my student loans?



two forks said...

too bad #4 was our escape vehicle on our wedding day... at least its boxy size helped house my boxy dress!

Yaj said...

What's your point?

shortino said...

I'm not a Dodge fan and generally their aesthetic isn't incredibly appealing to me. However, the Dodge Magnum is sweet... you're going to diss on the guy in the V8 station wagon, come on! (Think Gob and his $7K suit).

the guitarist from hell said...

And to think I was just about to buy a Dodge Magnum! Thanks car guru!!

REEDF said...

I disagree with you on 2 of the 8 cars...However putting up the Aztec and the PT Cruiser gives you all the right in the world. And now Chevy is trying to out do both of them with the HHR. Sheesh...

But they did give us the Corvette, Grand AM and the Cirrus, which I owned, so that about equals it out right?