26 February 2009


Why are Wendy's hamburgers square?

Why do 10-second ringtones cost $1.99
when full songs on iTunes cost $.99?

Why do people pay $2 for a bottle of Aquafina
or Dasani when it's actually just tap water?

Why is the small size at Starbucks called Tall?

Why does that Billy Mays get so excited
about Oxiclean?

Why is Chicken Of The Sea actually tuna?

Would a goofy-looking chump like Luke Russert
have gotten internships with PTI and Late Night
With Conan O'Brien and a correspondent job with
MSNBC if his dad weren't the late Tim Russert?

Does Windex really clean/sanitize tanning
booths and gym equipment?

Why don't the iPod headphones fit in my ears?

Does whitening toothpaste really do anything?

Does the third Manning brother feel like a loser?

How come no matter what movie you see him in,
Forest Whittaker looks the same age?

Do people really mistake DiGiorno
pizza for "delivery"?

Why do marching bands still perform at
halftime of college football games?

Does Dick Vitale know that his voice is
grating and annoying?

Why isn't it socially acceptable to use song and dance to tell a
story or make a point in real life, but it is in musicals?

Have people realized yet that all John Grisham
novels have the same plot?

Do you know anyone who has actually
watched a WNBA game start to finish?

Do you know anyone who has seen a friend's
engagement ring and exclaimed, "He went to Jared?!"

23 February 2009

Long Lost Cousin?

And to think he's been in Seattle all this time!

19 February 2009

Dear Rocky,

I think your marriage proposal to Adrian in Rocky II is the greatest marriage proposal ever. Maybe you forgot what you said, so here it is again:

How can anyone argue with that? First of all, you were direct and to the point.

Rocky: “You know, I was wondering like...what do you think you’re doing for like the next, uh, 40-50 years?"
Adrian: "What do you mean?"
Rocky: "I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind marrying me very much.”
Adrian: "What'cha say?"
Rocky: "If you wouldn't mind marrying me too much?"
Adrian: "Yes. I'd like to marry you."

Rocky: "Yeah?"
Adrian: "Yes."

Obviously you know it's always best to be straight forward with girls. Just spit it out and wait for the answer. Next, you were nervous and stumbled on your words. Girls love it when you're nervous and have sweaty palms. It makes them feel good. Girls also love commitment and you showed you were committed by first asking Adrian what she was doing for the next 40-50 years. So many marriages these days end too quickly so it can be very reassuring for a girl to know you're in it for the long haul.

You used the element of surprise. Do you think Adrian had any idea when she walked into that zoo in the snow, that you were going to propose? No way. Also, snow is always romantic. Girls are always cold, but they love snow and think it's romantic. And it's refreshing to see someone not bring a ring or flowers or kneel on the ground to propose. That stuff is overrated and cliche, like buying your girlfriend/wife flowers and chocolate on Valentine's Day. How obvious.

Marriage proposals are always better with a tiger in the background. Which wild animal would you rather have around? I can't think of one. And to top it off, you announced to the tiger that you were getting married and invited it to the wedding. You just know that people would see the wedding pictures later and say, "Oh, I remember that tiger. He was cool."

You were wearing a jacket with no shirt underneath. Girls love seeing chest hair. Most will tell you, "The more, the better." Obviously you knew this, and used this to your advantage, even though it was winter. Then when Adrian said she would marry you, you promised that you wouldn't leave any hair in the sink. Girls love that kind of stuff. They might love chest hair, but they hate chest hair in the sink. You should always make promises like this before you get married. They'll eat it up in the moment and forget you mentioned it later in life. You can't lose.

Rocky, you may have gotten your head pounded in by Apollo, Mr. T, and Drago, and had only a 9th-grade education, but you're a genius.


16 February 2009

Presidents Day!

L to R: Bush 41, Obama, Me, Clinton, Carter

I celebrated Presidents Day by getting together with all the former presidents for lunch and conversation at the White House. (We made Carter stand off to the side because we all think he's kind of a chump.) I thought it would be a great way to network and find a job, but all Clinton wanted to do was talk about the dates he brought back to the Oval Office.

14 February 2009

Valentine's Day!

10 February 2009

Seattle Sounders Tryouts

Seattle is getting a new MLS team! It was a bad year for Seattle sports, so we can only hope that things will be different for our first-year soccer team. And with tryouts open to the public, I'm sure just that will happen.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to make it to the tryouts in person (busy with retirement), but I sent in this highlight video of me from 1989-1990. I'm sure the Sounders will be calling me soon.

I don't know about you but I get chills every time I watch that. Yaj, this video is dedicated to you.

06 February 2009

National Canned Soup Month!

Retirement has been great but when Campbell's recently offered me a modeling job for their National Canned Soup Month campaign, I just couldn't pass it up.

02 February 2009

Groundhog Day!