19 February 2009

Dear Rocky,

I think your marriage proposal to Adrian in Rocky II is the greatest marriage proposal ever. Maybe you forgot what you said, so here it is again:

How can anyone argue with that? First of all, you were direct and to the point.

Rocky: “You know, I was wondering like...what do you think you’re doing for like the next, uh, 40-50 years?"
Adrian: "What do you mean?"
Rocky: "I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind marrying me very much.”
Adrian: "What'cha say?"
Rocky: "If you wouldn't mind marrying me too much?"
Adrian: "Yes. I'd like to marry you."

Rocky: "Yeah?"
Adrian: "Yes."

Obviously you know it's always best to be straight forward with girls. Just spit it out and wait for the answer. Next, you were nervous and stumbled on your words. Girls love it when you're nervous and have sweaty palms. It makes them feel good. Girls also love commitment and you showed you were committed by first asking Adrian what she was doing for the next 40-50 years. So many marriages these days end too quickly so it can be very reassuring for a girl to know you're in it for the long haul.

You used the element of surprise. Do you think Adrian had any idea when she walked into that zoo in the snow, that you were going to propose? No way. Also, snow is always romantic. Girls are always cold, but they love snow and think it's romantic. And it's refreshing to see someone not bring a ring or flowers or kneel on the ground to propose. That stuff is overrated and cliche, like buying your girlfriend/wife flowers and chocolate on Valentine's Day. How obvious.

Marriage proposals are always better with a tiger in the background. Which wild animal would you rather have around? I can't think of one. And to top it off, you announced to the tiger that you were getting married and invited it to the wedding. You just know that people would see the wedding pictures later and say, "Oh, I remember that tiger. He was cool."

You were wearing a jacket with no shirt underneath. Girls love seeing chest hair. Most will tell you, "The more, the better." Obviously you knew this, and used this to your advantage, even though it was winter. Then when Adrian said she would marry you, you promised that you wouldn't leave any hair in the sink. Girls love that kind of stuff. They might love chest hair, but they hate chest hair in the sink. You should always make promises like this before you get married. They'll eat it up in the moment and forget you mentioned it later in life. You can't lose.

Rocky, you may have gotten your head pounded in by Apollo, Mr. T, and Drago, and had only a 9th-grade education, but you're a genius.



Yaj said...

Good thing he didn't rip his shirt off and scream, "Stella!! Stellllaaa!!"

I can't remember leaving chest hair in the sink, but maybe I am an inconsiderate dolt. That will be checked on soon...

REEDF said...

I dunno if girls like sweaty hands....