26 June 2009

Farewell, King of Pop

Oh Michael Jackson, you were such a complicated, creepy man, but you made some sweet music and people were obsessed with you. You had a chimpanzee named Bubbles who cleaned your room for you and a son named Blanket whom you hung over a four-story balcony. You shared a bed with other people's children and you were sued by some of their parents, but you also invented the moon walk and were invited to the White House by two different Presidents. You owned all the Beatles songs and you're the reason we can't legally sing "Happy Birthday" at restaurants, but you gave millions of dollars to charities and made white gloves cool again. You underwent four rhinoplasties and had slits for a nose, but a whole prison in The Philippines danced peacefully to your music video choreography for Thriller. Your hair caught on fire while filming a commercial for Pepsi, and your property was called Neverland. You showed us it is possible to to marry your nurse, not live together, but somehow procreate. You wore pajamas to court and you were in a 3-D space movie. You were tried for touching children inappropriately, but this stopped Jay Leno from telling lame jokes in his annoying voice and that was really cool. You were considered a freak in America, but you were invited to live in Bahrain as a personal guest of Sheikh Abdullah. You sold 750 million albums and won 13 Grammy Awards, but you were bankrupt. You had a soft, effeminate voice but you taught us that it doesn't matter if you're black or white, literally. Farewell, King of Pop.


Yaj said...

It seems to me that his goal was to be not black or white, and not male or female.

I'm not sure what the word would be for that combination.

He was one weird little man.

Just the Beatle royalties made him $75 mil a year. And still he was broke. Sounds like he trusted all the wrong people.

Anonymous said...

HA HA HA HAAAA! This IS the all time best Pepper Post EVER!

As Jacko would say, We- heeee!

Bri said...

Ferra Fosset dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets her at the gates and says "Since you were such a good person on earth we will grant you one wish." She replied, "I wish that the children of the world could always be safe." Suddenly Micheal Jackson drops dead.
-complements of my bro-in-law Phil