25 June 2009

Trashtalking 101

Obviously the best part of competitive activities is the trashtalking. It's probably even more fun than the activity itself. When else is it perfectly acceptable and even expected to berate someone? For example, if your mom is cooking dinner you probably shouldn't criticize her stirring methods or use of spices. But, on a show like Hell's Kitchen where contestants compete to become the owner of a new restaurant, it's perfectly okay for Chef Ramsey to call someone an idiot for chopping an onion wrong.

There are really only two rules when it comes to trashtalking at a sporting event. Just follow these two simple rules and you'll be fine. First, if using a sign, don't spell words wrong or use bad grammar. Second, make sure your team wins. Especially if you're wearing facepaint. You'll look like an idiot walking out of the stadium.

Here's what not to do:

(Why are there bombs on the poster?)

Because at the end of the game you might look like this:

(Dude, what's on your face?)

And the other team might look like this:

Because with your help they just advanced to the Semifinals of the Confederations Cup on a fluke tiebreaker:

And then beat Spain, the #1 team in the world, to advance to the Final:

When you're a US Soccer fan, you should take full advantage of trashtalking opportunities like these. They don't come around too often.


the guitarist from hell said...

I don't think it's possible to trash talk in a sport as wimpy as soccer.

Yaj said...
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