28 August 2009

Go Seabiscuit!

You probably don't need me to tell you how much I love Seabiscuit:

This is relevant because apparently Tobey Maguire is filming some crappy B-movie about rabid raccoons (?!) and the set is really close to our house. In fact, I run on the street where they are filming every day. The other day I ran by right after they had finished a scene. Ol' Spidey was backing a Prius out of a driveway and he drove right past me really slowly (yes he looks dorky in real life, too.) He was ten feet away, his window was down, no one else was around, and I didn't even yell, "Go Seabiscuit!" What's wrong with me?

24 August 2009

Parenting Lesson #5

When my kids complain about not having the newest toy or whatever lame junk that is popular at the moment, I will show them these pictures and say, "But did you have to take Camie Poulton to Senior Prom in this hoopty?"

(This would be funnier if it weren't completely true. My favorite part is the AAA sticker on the bumper and that the license plate says "BEG.")

19 August 2009

Hey Birds,

As long as this was out of spite,

I'm totally okay with it.

13 August 2009

A Picture Says A Thousand Words

This one says, "Why did you just spike my drink with three tablespoons of salt when I wasn't looking?"

That's what brothers are for.

08 August 2009

Packing Heat

04 August 2009

It's Not A Tumor!

Caution: This video contains some vulgar language. (But when did a few swear words hurt anyone?)

You probably know Arnold Schwarzeneggar as the capable and dynamic governor of California who has brought his state to all-time highs. But maybe you didn't know that he used to be an amazing actor. Here is a sample of his thespian brilliance and greatest movie lines:

"You're fired." (True Lies, right before Arnold fires the missile from his hovering Harrier with the bad guy attached to it.)

John Connor: "You almost killed that guy!"
Arnold: "Of course, I'm a terminator." (Terminator 2.)

"I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle." (Terminator 2, naked Arnold to biker at truck stop.)

Arnold: "I want your clothes."
Biker: "Talk to the hand."
[Grabs it, smashes it, and talks into it.]
Arnold: "Now." (Terminator 3, when Arnold comes back from the future and is naked.)

Arnold: "Have you sustained any injuries?"
Kate: "Drop dead, ***hole!"
Arnold: "I am unable to comply." (Terminator 3, Arnold to Kate after they've been attacked and she doesn't want to be with him.)

John Connor: "Are you sure about this? About her and me, I mean."
Arnold: "Your confusion is not rational.
She's a healthy female of breeding age."
John Connor: "There's a little more to it than that."
Arnold: "My database does not encompass the dynamics of human pair bonding.
" (Terminator 3, when Arnold tells John Connor he is going to marry Kate.)

"Please do not disturb my friend, he is dead tired." (Commando, after Arnold breaks the neck of the thug escorting him on the plane and covers his face with a hat.)

"I'm not a pervert! I just want Turbo Man doll!" (Jingle All The Way, as Arnold is being hit with purses by moms in the ball pit because he tried to take a Turbo Man doll from a little kid.)

"You picked the wrong day!" (Jingle All The Way, as Arnold punches out a reindeer that just charged him.)

"What is best in life? Crush your enemies! See them driven before you! And hear the lamentation of the women!" (Conan The Barbarian.)

Doorman: "May I help you?"
Ahnold: "Yes, could I speak to the drug dealer of the house, please?"
Doorman: "I beg your pardon?"
Ahnold: "It's a beautiful day, and we're out killing drug dealers. Are there any in the house?" (Last Action Hero.)

Girl: "What happened to Sully?"
Arnold: "I let him go." (Commando, after Arnold drops Sully off a cliff.)

"I eat Green Berets for breakfast. And right now, I'm very hungry." (Commando, Arnold to bad guys ex-Green Berets.)

Lori: "Doug, honey... you wouldn't hurt me, would you, sweet heart?"
Arnold: "Sweet heart, be reasonable. After all, we're married!"
[Lori goes for her gun, Arnold shoots her.]
Arnold: "Consider that a divorce." (Total Recall.)

"Who is your daddy and what does you do?" (Kindergarten Cop, Arnold to kindergarten class as he tries to figure out which child is in danger of his fugitive father.)

"Ice to meet you." (Batman and Robin, with Arnold as Mr. Freeze.)

"Let off some steam, Bennett." (Commando, as Arnold throws a pipe through Bennett's chest into a steam turbine.)

"Stick Around." (Predator, as Arnold throws a knife through a guy into a wall.)

Arnold: "Remember Sully when I promised to kill you last?"
[Arnold is holding Sully by one leg over a cliff.]
Sully: "That's right Matrix, you did!"
Arnold: "I lied." (Commando, as Arnold drops Sully over a cliff.)

"Cool off." (True Lies, as Arnold throws a bad guy's head into a urinal."

Stewardess: "Is your wife okay sir?"
Arnold: "Compared to what?" (Kindergarten Cop, as Arnold's traveling companion runs to airplane bathroom.)

Kid: "Where are you going?"
Arnold: "To catch the red eye." (Last Action Hero, as Arnold leaves crime scene to catch bad guy with fake red eye.)

Lawyer: "What do you think?"
[Arnold reads over contract.]
Arnold: "I'll tell you what I think of it. I live to see you eat that contract. But I hope you leave room for my fist because I'm going to ram it into your stomach."
Lawyer: "Sign here. Here, use my back."
[Arnold signs and then rams pen through contract into guy's back.]
Arnold: "Don't forget to send me a copy." (The Running Man, when Arnold is forced to be contestant on The Running Man show.)

TV Host: "Do you know who I am?"
Arnold: "I know you. You're the ***hole on TV." (Running Man, when Arnold meets the host of The Running Man show.)

Arnold: "Your levity is good. It relieves tension and fear of death." (Terminator 3, when Arnold is driving the RV with John Connor to destroy Skynet.)

People in crowd: [Yelling in Spanish]
Arnold: Hey what are you doing!?!? (Collateral Damage, when Arnold tries to break up a fight on the street.)