28 September 2009

Dear Redskins,

You are pathetic. You just lost to the Lions, who hadn't won a game since December 23, 2007. Congratulations for helping them and their rookie quarterback end their 19-game losing streak.

And this comes after last week where you could only score nine points on the Rams in five trips inside the red zone. You just lost your privilege to be my license plate holder. I think I will give a car dealer free advertising from now on.

I'm also taking down my Redskins shrine. This actually kills two birds with one stone because it was on top of Robin's desk and she needs the space for crafts or something.

On top of that, I plan to donate all of my Redskins jerseys, t-shirts, and hats to Deseret Industries or The Salvation Army. I'm sure they will fetch a tidy sum for the poor children.

That's all. Call me when you aren't a joke anymore (but you can't send a Facebook message because I just de-friended you.)


P.S. Don't worry--I'll never cheer for the Seahawks. That would be even more embarrassing than being a Redskins fan.

20 September 2009

New Font: Sarcastica

Every time the Cougars are in the national spotlight they shine! I can't wait for BYU's BCS game this year! I already bought my plane ticket! We are amazing!

I have always loved Utah and I'm really sad that their winning streak is over. Like all true Cougar fans who claim they just want the MWC to be successful, I was hoping they'd go undefeated again this year and represent the MWC in the Sugar Bowl.

I have been cheering for the Huskies ever since the BYU-UW game last year when some very nice UW fans politely asked me where my other wives were. I'm excited about this victory!

Notre Dame is synonymous with college football and Charlie Weis is a great football coach and a very handsome man who isn't paid nearly enough for what he does. I couldn't be happier that their every game is on NBC each week and I love it when they win!

Any team who can score three field goals on the Rams from five trips to the red zone has big things in store. Super Bowl XLIV, here I come! Hail to the Redskins!

What a shame the Cowboys lost their home opener in their brand-new $1.1 billion stadium. Jerry Jones, your team is America's team and every time you lose, a little piece of me dies with you.

11 September 2009

Happy Birthday?

Well it's that time of year again to celebrate being one year older. Truth be told, I don't think 30 was that great a year for me. First, I was unemployed for six months. That did allow me to golf a lot more than usual, but I didn't really get any better. Next, I was the first to buy a plane ticket to the annual roommate reunion in Utah but then everyone hung me out to dry. I ended up sleeping on my sister's sofa all alone. I also found my first gray hair this year, I guess from all the stress of having every day off for six months.

But I'd have to say that the most disheartening thing is that my hair is getting thinner. I know you're thinking, "You have amazing hair. What are you talking about?"

Well, the truth is I probably couldn't do-up my hair in this amazing mohawk anymore. It's getting thinner every day. I won't even look in the tub drain anymore after I take a shower; I just can't handle it. And I will probably have to start buzzing it all off in a few years. As you can tell, I have been really upset about this--until now. I realized there are many great-looking, handsome celebrities who are bald:

Look at these guys! Who wouldn't want to look like this?! If they can live normal and happy lives despite their baldness, I'm sure I can, too. I can tell now that 31 is going to be a great year. (The only con: I'll never be able to grow those corn rows I love so much.)

08 September 2009

Arrivederci Roma!

Well, I've been home from my mission to Rome, Italy, for ten years today. Here are some of my favorite mission photos to commemorate the two years I spent there:

A goat head and spine. Our landlord had some farm animals and he made homemade sausage one day. Delicious!

Just taunting the dogs. You learned quickly when wild dogs were following you down the street to bend down like you were picking up a rock. They'd run away every time. Suckers.

Who ya gonna call?!?! Ghostbusters!

Here we are joining an impromptu high school strike. I've never heard of students striking in order to get a better education, but hey, this is Italy we're talking about. As you can see, we fit right in.

This guy was amazing. He could pop out his eyes somehow. But instead of keeping this talent to himself, he shared it with all. He went up to girls at famous sightseeing sites like the Trevi Fountains here, stood right in their faces, and popped out his eyes. What a gift!

These guys were fetchers to tourists by the Coliseum. They would come up to you and ask you if you wanted a picture taken. Then they would hound you until you said yes. Then after the picture, they would yell at you until you paid them, even though you never agreed to paying them in the first place. We got our picture for free since we spoke such amazing Italian.

Have you ever knocked on doors while being barked at by a dog from the roof?

Just a typical meat shop on the streets of Potenza.

Teaching in Italy was tough. Why wouldn't anyone listen?

The sign (in English) says it all: "Center Kickboxing Federation Full Contact." We should have trained here on our P-Days.

Another typical sight: a paper mache' buffalo next to the mozzarella shop.

This was an actual missionary bike. If you weren't careful, your toes AND heels would hit the ground while pedaling.

04 September 2009

Do Vegans Laugh?

Here's a comment I got in response to my recent blog about the local vegan pizzeria closing down:

I emailed Veganmothering back and asked if she also gave up humor as a vegan. This is the comment she left the next day:

Veganmothering, I have no idea who you are but thank you for taking the time out of your busy day figuring out what you can and can't eat to read Oh Pepper?

01 September 2009

School Pictures!

In commemoration of today being the first day of school for kids around here, I am posting our school pictures from 7th grade on the internet for all the world (or the 9 people who read my blog) to see.

Wowsers! 1990 was a rough year for both of us. But how about this year:

Yikes! These may not be any better. Note to self: at Sears Portrait Studio you get what you pay for.