22 December 2009

The Breakup

A while ago I watched that Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where Larry had an extra ticket to a school play and as he was talking to his agent Jeff about it, Jeff's gardener overheard and said he would go with Larry. Of course there was an awkward moment and Larry didn't know what to say but they ended up going together. The whole "date" was awkward all the way to the doorstep scene where the gardener lingered too long to say goodbye. You might think that this only happens on funny TV shows but it doesn't. It happens to people like me.

Over the past few years we've tried to be nice to our mailman, Tony (name changed to protect his true identity.) He's probably in his late thirties and he's very diligent at what he does. To say thanks for a job well done, sometimes we would leave some candy at a holiday or whatnot. While I was looking for a job I was home during the day a lot and I would be there to receive packages in person. He was nice enough and we would chat a little about the weather, the crappy Seattle sports teams, etc. But I will say that usually he would linger a little too long and I didn't know how to end the conversation.

Then when I was training for the marathon sometimes he would see me running around the neighborhood while on his route. Once at the end of my run he happened to be there and he said we should go running together. I said okay even though I didn't ever plan to. No offense, Tony the Mailman, but I don't even run with my wife. I run alone. Then another time he said again that we should run together. This time when I said okay he said, "But how will I meet up with you?" I was like, "You can knock on my door since you know where I live." But that wasn't enough and he asked for my phone number. I gave it to him because I didn't know what else to say. He never called, though, so I forgot about it.

Then a couple months ago I happened to be home during the day and he brought a package by. Of course we chatted for a while and I had a hard time getting away like always. Not that I don't like talking to people, but it was just getting a little weird. Anyway, he left but a few minutes later he knocked on my door again and said something like, "Hey, can I get your number again? My son was fooling with my phone and lost it." So I gave it to him again (what else was I supposed to do?) and that's when he asked if I liked playing video games and invited me to come over to play Playstation sometime (no date or time set.)

So of course I go on with my life, forgetting that that happened, and not thinking that we would ever actually play Playstation. Then a few weeks ago he requested to add me on Facebook!!! Only at first I didn't recognize who he was since I only knew his first name from his name tag and his profile picture was of his kid. So of course I rejected the request but the next day again there was another friend request and a message that made me realize it was Tony the Mailman. So now I didn't know what to do. I mean, I have no problem rejecting someone's friend request on Facebook but this was different: this was my mailman who I would see again and who had my phone number. Plus, we've all heard news stories of mailmen going postal. Who knows what he could do to my precious mail and packages if I got on his bad side.

So I accepted the friend request (what else was I supposed to do?) and forgot about it until he sent me TWO messages on Facebook wishing me a happy Thanksgiving. He commented on some photos, too. The weird thing was that he often was sending Facebook messages and making photo comments in the morning when I'm pretty sure he was supposed to be delivering people's mail. I never responded to any comments or messages, though.

Then last week I was at work and an unknown number called my phone. I answered and it was Tony the Mailman. He said that he had a package for me and would I want him to hold it for me so I wouldn't have to pick it up at the post office and stand in long lines? This seemed very unusual to me but for some reason I said okay (what else was I supposed to do?). It turns out he lived about a half block away from me so on the way home from work I stopped by to get my package. He was having dinner with his family so he introduced me to his wife and kid, gave me the package, and then said nervously, "Hey, if you're not too busy would you want to have dinner tomorrow if you're not too busy?" Now, any guy out there will know that he was really nervous to ask me out to dinner because he repeated twice the same phrase in his invite: "if you're not too busy." I informed him that we were going to our church Christmas party that night. He seemed disappointed.

Then last week I got another voicemail on my phone and it was from Tony the Mailman again. Only this time he didn't ask me if I wanted him to hold onto a package for me to pick up later; he just brought it home and called me after the fact. Now, I was a little annoyed at this because I'm pretty sure it's against the rules for postal workers to bring someone's mail home and I didn't want to make a habit of having to go to his house during dinner and get my mail. So I called back and left a message that I would prefer to just get my packages the normal way where I go pick them up at the post office.

A couple days later I went to the post office to get my packages. While in line, of course I saw none other than Tony the Mailman. It was a very awkward moment and I could tell that he wasn't his normal self around me. I think I must have hurt his feelings or something because he came up to me with a crestfallen look and said he hoped he hadn't caused me any inconvenience with my packages. So I left but then later that day when we opened our mailbox there was a package jammed in there with all the other mail bent out of shape. I can't help but think he was making a point that, "See, I could have brought this home with me and saved it for you but no, you don't want me to do that so I will just have to jam it in your mailbox and make it fit! See how you like that!"

So that's the story of how I broke up with Tony the Mailman. Or at least how I think I did--I'll probably get invited to Christmas dinner in a couple of days. You might read this and say that I brought this on myself by accepting his invitations to run, giving him my phone number, and accepting his friend request on Facebook. Maybe you're right, but since when does being nice to your civil servants mean that you want to hang out with them?


Laura Kimball said...

Love it - you got your MOJO back -sorry I couldn't get you that job working with Conan O'brein - FYI we all sat around the computer on christmas eve and had a laugh about this! As for the postman Watch out for un-identified packages that smell like sulfur - and btw there are more diplomatic ways to seperate work from pleasure... especially when the man has a great deal of power (tax return, bills, oh and that birthday gift that you think I never mailed - you'll never know...)I think you need a peace offering - you'll know where to leave it, and after he becomes your new bff you'll laugh about this - or you can just move!
Merry Christmas! - from the Kimball/ Davis' Families

Yaj said...


calizona said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! Speedy Delivery!