25 February 2010

That's What She Said

Blogs are pretty public but sometimes I get the feeling not everyone realizes this. Here are some real, un-doctored quotes from other blogs (used with copyright permission, of course) that I personally wouldn't have included on Oh Pepper?:

(Note: Names have been changed for the authors' privacy.)

Nursing

"She has only gained about 6 ounces in the last two weeks and the doctor is thinking that I might not be making enough milk and so this week we're going to try and supplement with formula."

"
I'm worried that my milk supply is going down even more now that we're giving her bottles. Along with the stress and strains of school (final papers, grading a billion pages of papers for my job, tests, etc.) I just don't find time to nurse her or pump as much anymore."

"Maeby was born and while in the hospital she refused to nurse. Eventually a lactaction nurse brought in a nipple shield for me to wear and she would latch on somewhat."


"I am in search of solutions for my nursing dilemmas...there are still several questions I have about how to make nursing more comfortable. OK, so here are my issues:
...2. Nursing bras just seem to get in the way--they never really tuck/fold fully out of the way and my poor little one ends up trying to latch onto the bra in his desperate search for food! (Perhaps there is no solution for this one with the "modest" size of chest that I have, but I'm still looking for one anyway.)

First Kiss

"
Now remember, 21 year-old Lindsay had never been kissed before. Well let's just say she made up for it right then and there. After emerging from the couch some time later we went on a walk holding hands and life was good...Well, we kept on walking and eventually sat down on some grass where we kissed some more and I pulled out yet another aggressive move by saying: "Is it too soon to say 'I love you?'" Sweet Tobias said no and that he loved me too. More kissing to which Lindsay is quickly becoming accustomed to."

From Blog Tags

"
HUGS OR KISSES? 7-up kisses! (that's how Oscar describes my breath lately....a 7-up flavor...)"

"
Five of my bad habits: ...5. Having the "foofs" (i know, that's disgusting, but i seriously can't help it! Bring on the TUMS!)"

"
Who is smarter? Buster. I kind of think we tied on our ACT scores, but he's brilliant and far smarter than me...I love talking to him because I learn so much!"

Potpourri

"
p.s. i was wearing a cami under my shirt, and in some pictures you can see the strap. my apologies...i promise i was wearing my garments, my straps on the cami were just really far in....i don't want anyone to wonder!"

"
I love rainbows!"

"It's not Mommy's milk, but it'll do!"

"
The other night, as I was busy cleaning up dinner George Michael came running into me and said, "Mom look!" Maeby came walking around the corner at that point, and I noticed brown stuff on the floor. I said, "What is that?" And George Michael quickly replied, "It's Maeby's poop, Mom!" GROSS!! There was a trail all through the living room, and into the dining area. Gross, gross, gross! What a mess! I can't tell you how much fun it was to change her diaper, and scrub up all of the carpet in our house. Thank goodness for Lysol!"

"My body continues to blossom. I am now 14 inches larger in my waist & 24 pounds heavier."

Grand Finale

This is from a woman's website talking about her future husband whom she hasn't met yet:
At every party and wedding reception we attend, however, we’ll make sure there will be dancing because we will dance regardless of what everyone else is doing. We will dance in restaurants while we wait for our food to come. Sometimes we’ll dance down the isles of the grocery store if a great song is playing over the store’s sound system. We’ll make a habit of moving the kitchen table to the side of the room to give us a good dance floor in our home. We’ll do some flamboyant Latin dancing, rock out to one of the latest top 40’s hits, tango with roses in our mouths, and waltz on occasion.

What?!?!

19 February 2010

Frank Swallow

A little while ago I went 60 Minutes on the local casino and exposed that its patrons aren't, in fact, happy gamblers like its commercials depict. I didn't think it was all that great of a blog entry, but that doesn't matter because apparently I struck a chord with Frank Swallow.

According to Frank he is a security guard at said casino and he was none too happy with my hard-hitting journalism. Read on for the comment he left. Warning: There's some bad language ahead (but nothing you wouldn't find in the good book).



And thanks to my IP tracker, here is why I think he actually does work at the casino:



I can picture Frank Swallow and the other security guards now, having a little pow wow about how to stop Oh Pepper? from single-handedly bringing down their casino. You better be scared, Casino Security Department, you don't know the power of having twelve blog readers per day!

14 February 2010

Dear Liz Lemon,

My wife thinks you are so cool. She loves your great sense of fashion, how you eat cheese by yourself late at night, that you use a Snuggie at work, and that you can grow a mustache.

But why can't she agree with your views on Valentine's Day?



I tried to tell her the same thing to explain why we shouldn't celebrate this "holiday" but I'm not really getting anywhere. Maybe you could try to talk to her for me?

Sincerely,
C-Biscuit

11 February 2010

Twitter!


Hello readers of Oh Pepper?. Hopefully you are doing just great.

Sometimes some of you say to me, "You know, I moderately enjoy reading your blog but I really wish there were a way I could be notified the exact moment you post a new entry. I must know immediately your latest thoughts on spite, which apples to buy, or what your pet armadillo is up to!"

I'm not sure why anyone would care that much about Oh Pepper? but in case you do, I have just the solution: Twitter. Yes, that's right, Oh Pepper? now has a Twitter feed. You can sign up at twitter.com/ohpepper and you will get immediate notification anytime a new entry is posted.

I'm not promising constant mundane updates about what I'm up to at every waking moment so I guess I won't be using Twitter correctly like mega-celebrity Ashton Kutcher. And if I don't get enough followers I'll probably stop using Twitter altogether. Then I'll delete this post like it never happened. But until then, see you in Twitter land.

03 February 2010

Döppelganger Week

So I learned from Facebook that this week is Doppelganger Week. Apparently you're supposed to change your profile picture to a celebrity that you think looks most like you. I'm not going to do that, Facebook, nor will I fill out my gender in my profile. If you can't tell I'm a dude without me saying so, I probably shouldn't be putting myself out there on Facebook in the first place. (Seriously, why does anyone fill this out????)

But I will inform you that for some reason Robin is saying that I look like Topher Grace. I don't really take this as a compliment or a good thing, but whatever. You be the judge:


This picture of me is like 11 years old but I guess I can see some similarity, especially in the chiseled jaws and large biceps. Too bad they didn't cast me instead to be the nerdy best friend love interest in Win A Date With Tad Hamilton. That would have done wonders for my career.

So anyway, if any of you is Facebook friends with ol' Topher, I give you my permission to send him this picture of me to use as his doppelganger this week. He'll probably take it as a compliment.

01 February 2010

Investigative Reporting: Local Casino

Near where we live there is a sweet outlet mall with the local casino right next door. Sometimes we eat at the casino's buffet when we go to the outlet mall. The food is pretty good and I guess it's an okay casino for not being in Las Vegas, but it's kind of smoky and depressing inside. Then recently I saw this commercial on TV for it:


I thought, "Hmmm, I've been to that casino and that's now how I remember it." In the commercial everyone is so happy and beautiful and the slogan is, "You'll have fun, fun, fun at the number one place for fun!" Even the fish-throwers from Pike's Market hang out there after work.

So I set out to do some investigative reporting. I didn't have a hidden camera but I found that if I held up my phone camera it looked like I was surfing the internet just like any other fool. Here is my evidence:


First, the slots. These two didn't cheer or smile once.


These chumps just sat there as well. I think slots were more exciting back when you actually pulled the lever. These days you just push a button. No wonder they're so bored.


Next, blackjack! You would think that waiting for that magical card to hit 21 and beat the dealer would get people on the edge of their seats, but no. These fools didn't even smile once.


More blackjack, and more boring people.


Finally, some craps! In the commercial this is where all the action happened. Even the fish-thrower from Pike's Market was there with some of his customers. But in the real casino there wasn't even one catcher's mask or a high five to be seen.


Here's a couple on a romantical date at the buffet restaurant. But they were more interested in their baked salmon than each other. That's not how I pictured it.


Debbie Downer!!! How could anyone be so blah at the number one place for fun?

So, my opinion is that those casino commercials are a bunch of crap. There's no way this is the place where people have fun, fun, fun at the number one place for fun.