30 November 2010

It Tastes Like Chicken!

I know many of you regularly look to Oh Pepper? for important news updates and investigative reporting. So please read on. I now bring your attention to this picture that has recently been going around the interwebs:



No, it's not frozen yogurt; this is processed chicken which will soon be cooked up into yummy chicken nuggets and chicken patties for you to eat.

Now for the recipe. First you separate as much "meat" as you can from the bones--eyes, guts, etc.--and smash it through a sieve. Then you douse it with ammonia to kill all the poisonous bacteria crawling around. Then you add artificial chicken flavoring because ammonia-flavored stuff tastes gross. Then you add artificial food coloring because it is this weird pink color. Then you bread it and fry it and you get your delicious chicken nuggets.

You heard it here. And if it's on the internet, you know it must be true.

Up next: The truth about hot dogs!

15 November 2010

Your Mom Goes To College!



I recently read this "news" story from BYU's Police Beat and just had to re-post it here:

Oct. 5 Two male students were arguing over dating. One was having a difficult time getting dates and was telling the other student about it. The second student joked that he didn’t have a difficult time getting dates and he could date the other student’s mother. The first student took offense and slammed the second student against a wall and brandished a knife. Upon arrival, the police arrested the first student for aggravated assault. However, the second student decided not to press charges, so the first student was released.

I'm not sure which part is funniest: that the first guy can't get a date at BYU, that the second guy said he could get a date with the first guy's mom, or that the dating-your-mom statement caused the first guy to actually pull a knife on the second guy. All around classic. Only in Provo, I guess.

08 November 2010

Welcome Back, Coco!



That's right, I won one of the 10,000 free Conan shirts. And it only took me two hours of constantly refreshing the @TeamCoco Twitter feed waiting for the stupid online code to come through. (Actually I won two but I didn't get the second in Robin's size so I'm in a little bit of trouble.) Welcome back to TV, Conan! (But sorry I won't be watching live tonight, you're on too late.)

03 November 2010

50,000!

Sometime today Oh Pepper? will hit a total of 50,000 visitors since its inception in 2007. Assuming an average of 1 minute per visit, that is 833 hours that you readers will never get back. I guess you could do a lot worse (really, Jersey Shore?), but I sincerely apologize for wasting your time with this nonsense.

So as a thank you for stopping by, the 50,000th visitor will get this signed picture of me with My Buddy:



Leave a comment if you're the lucky 50,000th (or you could just right click and save.) And since you're here now, why not join the Oh Pepper? Facebook Page? 54 people already have and they are all moderately glad they did.

01 November 2010

Farewell, Francie!

Who is Francie, you ask? Until now you've only seen her in Mii form:



Let me give you a recap: Francie has been our landlady since we moved into our building about four years ago. She doesn't drive, she takes long walks with her dog at 5:00 a.m., and she wears exotic outfits (when I met her she was wearing all purple--boots, leggings, skirt, jacket, jewelry, hat, makeup). She is also very meticulous about maintaining our building and the grounds. We often find handwritten notes (we don't think she has a computer) on the front door updating us on the various happenings accordingly.

For example, once she wrote an obituary for the plum tree that fell over in the backyard (sorry, no picture of this one). She left notes outside telling passers-by to clean up their messes.



She periodically left notes on our car informing us that we were parked too long and would be towed.



She left notes everywhere informing the delivery men and mailman that they couldn't leave packages unattended (but how did she type this one???).



She posted 'No Smoking' signs everywhere. One morning she left a note warning us of the dangerous icy conditions. She left notes reminding us to wipe our feet when it was snowy outside.



And probably my favorite memory of her was when she set up a cat house in the common area out back and then later shoveled a walkway so the wild animals to get to the cat house/critter motel during a blizzard (you should click on these links--they're classic!).

Unfortunately though, she and the building's owner recently decided to part ways. So when we brought her some delicious homemade cookies to say thanks for being a great landlady to us all these years, naturally we took a picture together:



So Francie, this blog entry is dedicated to you (sorry you can't read it, maybe it's time for a computer?). We'll miss all your handwritten notes around the building, your exotic yet color-coordinated outfits, and our lingering chats when we'd walk to our car while you were watering the plants. Farewell, Francie!