09 May 2011

When You're Here, You're Family!



As if the bread sticks and chicken alfredo weren't enough, did someone really need to blow the whistle on Olive Garden's "Culinary Institute of Tuscany" for us to know they don't actually train their chefs in the hills of Italy? (Also, did anyone actually think the Olive Garden had real chefs?)

08 April 2011

Tangled!

A while back I told you about my doppelganger. Well, apparently I have another one because people have been telling me that I look like Flynn Rider from the Tangled movie. They mean it as a compliment but I don't really take it that way--not because Flynn is a cartoon but because I think he looks like a dork. And since I've always thought I look like a dork, it doesn't really help my self-image.

Anyway, I haven't seen the movie but here is a side-by-side comparison of the two of us:


Was I the inspiration for Flynn Rider? You be the judge.

Like I said, I don't really know much about Flynn, but I can think of five other Disney princes/protagonists that I'd rather be:

Aladdin. This guy was a diamond in the rough. Plus he had a magic carpet that could actually fly. And a genie who could do great voice-overs.

The Beast. Sure, he was really hairy and grouchy but people stayed out of his way when he wanted some time alone. Plus Mrs. Potts was a great housekeeper.

Prince Eric. He had a palace by the sea and a wife who could really sing! I'd get her to cover "Friday" for me as often as possible.

Quasimodo. I have bad posture anyway so this would be a natural fit for me. Except my eyes look normal. And my friends aren't imaginary gargoyles.

Simba. I've always wanted to be friends with a carefree warthog who takes life one day at a time. I wouldn't be too excited about living in Africa, though. I've lost enough money to the Nigerian money wiring scams already!

01 April 2011

I Pity You April Fools!



25 March 2011

Friday vs. Popcorn Popping!


Forty-nine million
hits on YouTube in two weeks:



vs.

Eight hits in two years:



Friday wins!

But with lyrics like

Kickin' in the front seat
Sittin' in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I ta-a-a-ake?

you shouldn't be too surprised. Also, I didn't have the budget for a sweet rap solo.


Update 4/1/11:

Friday: 72,733,709 hits.
Popcorn Popping: 52 hits.

I'll get you, Rebecca Black!

18 March 2011

Cry Baby!

The other day I heard this story on This American Life about people who cry during movies on airplanes. I'm one of them. Except I cry during movies, TV shows, and commercials, even when I'm not on an airplane. I mean, it's not real crying with tears coming down my face, but I'm definitely still a freak.

So I decided to make a list of times I cried during visual programming in the last month:

  • Oprah when she announced she had a long-lost half sister.
  • The Office when Michael and Holly finally got back together and kissed on the roof.
  • Eagle Eye when Shia Lebouf gets the military medal of honor alongside his father who until that moment had always been more proud of his twin brother.
  • House when Cuddy and House saved Cuddy's Mom's life and Cuddy and her Mom made up after years of tension.
  • The Office when Michael and Holly tell each other they love each other and shake hands.
  • The Grammys when Justin Bieber lost the "Best New Artist" award to that girl with the big hair.
  • The news when Martin Sheen and Emilio Estevez (where has he been?!?!) compared Charlie's problems to cancer and expressed their love for him.
  • The Bachelor when Brad breaks up with Ashley before the rose ceremony because he cares too much about her.
  • Despicable Me when the orphan girls and the minions give Gru their money so that bankruptcy won't keep him from stealing the moon.

Awww, poor little cry baby! Do you need a bottle?!

04 March 2011

Apostrophe Catastrophe!

A few years back, when Oh Pepper? was still peaking, I posted this blog in honor of National Grammar Day (today). Maybe you remember this entry, but apparently it hasn't had much effect on the rest of the world because people all around me are still misusing apostrophes like Charlie Sheen bangs seven gram rocks. That's just how they roll.

For example, my former financial advisor sent me this email not too long ago:



And she was a "2nd Vice President." Obviously I had to fire her. You may say to me, "Why does it matter if your financial advisor misuses an apostrophe once in a while?" I may say to you, "Can I trust someone who can't spell a five-letter word correctly to successfully manage the massive fortune generated over the years by Oh Pepper??"

I also recently received this email from Delta Airlines:


What the heck is a "head's up"? And how can I trust Delta to safely fly a plane when they write sentences that make no sense? I think you understand.

So maybe it is time for another apostrophe lesson. "Your invited" to take a tour of some erroneous signs that I've taken the liberty to fix:


This one is funny because Georgia got one apostrophe right but two was just too much for her to keep track of. Georgia's Potatoe's Deluxe what?


I'm of the opinion that any business that misuses an apostrophe in their official sign can't be trusted. These donuts are probably poison.


Take this car, for example. If Ford doesn't pay attention to an apostrophe, how do you know they paid attention to the airbag that is supposed to save your life?


Rule number one while protesting: Using bad grammar on your signs makes you look like an idiot.


Ironic that this alphabet lesson for children is this incorrect.


This sign should actually be broken down into three sentences. I tried to fix it up but it was just too much work. At least the apostrophe is correct now.


Boy's what?


Open Sunday's what?


Perfection has it is price?

Oh, where to begin? How about with the comma that is being used as an apostrophe, and incorrectly at that.


And now the grand finale: A sign company called "Professional Sign's & Lettering." You might not know if your signs will be correct but at least you know they'll be professional.

And one final word of advice—please don't be this family come Christmastime:



You're apostrophe use—its killing me.

07 February 2011

Where's Don Draper When You Need Him?

This a commercial for a local pest control company. Could it be the worst commercial of all time? Yes, yes it could. If you watch it, you'll regret it. Don't watch it.


31 January 2011

Got Milk?

The other day I saw this painting for sale in a local art gallery:



I thought that a painting of a dog breast-feeding (do you call it that?) her pups was kind of weird (and very overpriced at $135), but hey, whatever floats your boat. Then I noticed that someone changed the title:



"Go Milk" is now entitled "Got Milk". Love it!